"If I could do so without the mountain of self loathing that comes after it, I would."
Thursday, August 27, 2009
hm
Right at the moment I think I might be ready, some knowledge is dropped and though it was something I had moved beyond, suddenly I feel as though it's weighing me down and I'm right back where I started.
"If I could do so without the mountain of self loathing that comes after it, I would."
"If I could do so without the mountain of self loathing that comes after it, I would."
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
travels
In place of going to Boston, I am going to New York (expenses paid) to check out grad schools. The fact that this was even offered is huge! A huge statement about their investment in my education, one that I'm not fucking up this time around.
I have quashed the bad decision making. I have an iron will.
I like the direction this seasons fashion is going. Granted, if I would have paid better attention during Fashion Week I would have seen this ages ago, but I was wallowing in break up cake. But not really wallowing, and I didn't get any break up cake this go around. (Way to drop the ball, animal).
I can't stop listening to this Make Do and Mend EP. Sounds so great on vinyl. (Pet peeve, calling it "a vinyl.") You know...
"Oh, I got a couple vinyls today..."
"a couple vinyl whats?"
"oh, vinyl albums"
"oh, you mean records. albums ON vinyl."
"yeah, vinyls"
"yeah. no. you're an idiot."
I am loving the Helmut Lang F/W09 collection, especially all their asymmetrical jackets. I love off center/asym zip anything, especially with big swoopy hoods and collars. Gray and black please! (That's all I've been buying, I think I'm going through a mopey artist phase).
Anyway. Progression. Doing it.
I have quashed the bad decision making. I have an iron will.
I like the direction this seasons fashion is going. Granted, if I would have paid better attention during Fashion Week I would have seen this ages ago, but I was wallowing in break up cake. But not really wallowing, and I didn't get any break up cake this go around. (Way to drop the ball, animal).
I can't stop listening to this Make Do and Mend EP. Sounds so great on vinyl. (Pet peeve, calling it "a vinyl.") You know...
"Oh, I got a couple vinyls today..."
"a couple vinyl whats?"
"oh, vinyl albums"
"oh, you mean records. albums ON vinyl."
"yeah, vinyls"
"yeah. no. you're an idiot."
I am loving the Helmut Lang F/W09 collection, especially all their asymmetrical jackets. I love off center/asym zip anything, especially with big swoopy hoods and collars. Gray and black please! (That's all I've been buying, I think I'm going through a mopey artist phase).
Anyway. Progression. Doing it.
Monday, August 24, 2009
...
distance poor decisions are still poor decisions
and i am still making plenty of them.
so ready for fall.
oh yeah.
you're stupid. incredibly, incredibly stupid. that's gotta suck.
and i am still making plenty of them.
so ready for fall.
oh yeah.
you're stupid. incredibly, incredibly stupid. that's gotta suck.
it must be most painful
To be THAT stupid. It literally blows my mind. I hate to fall into this old, tired cliche, but men don't want smart and independent women. Especially as smart and independent as I am.
Oh well, that's why I'm just keeping the pretty ones around for sex.
Or I would be if I was a slut and thereby having sex.
(And truthfully, I wish I was.)
I'm most of the way through my part of the retrospective. I have some revising to do. I am also working on a mental thesis on economics, culture and food and how they all relate to one another. I'm sure its not the most groundbreaking of ideas, but its nice to know that it's mine.
When I get home from school, before going to work, I am going to make a breakfast burrito. Delish.
Oh well, that's why I'm just keeping the pretty ones around for sex.
Or I would be if I was a slut and thereby having sex.
(And truthfully, I wish I was.)
I'm most of the way through my part of the retrospective. I have some revising to do. I am also working on a mental thesis on economics, culture and food and how they all relate to one another. I'm sure its not the most groundbreaking of ideas, but its nice to know that it's mine.
When I get home from school, before going to work, I am going to make a breakfast burrito. Delish.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
well well well
School is a lot. Between that and work, I've been living 19 hour days.
2 perfect closes in a row, both til after midnight.
Friday I went to a fashion and art show with Rachel
Saturday night Rachel and I crashed a party, hated it, left and met Alexis and Kiley at their neighborhood bar.
Poor text message decisions ensued. Le sorries extended.
2 perfect closes in a row, both til after midnight.
Friday I went to a fashion and art show with Rachel
Saturday night Rachel and I crashed a party, hated it, left and met Alexis and Kiley at their neighborhood bar.
Poor text message decisions ensued. Le sorries extended.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
The Fall
"I wanted someone with nothing to gain from my demise..."
Living and dying in Denver.
I've been contemplating since Sunday how to recap the last 80 or so hours in a way that would adequately explain how it felt and what it meant.
I woke up Thursday AM at 6 in order to be to work by 8. A full shift, til four, and immediately following I went home, showered and packed. Picked up Rachel and met Alexis at Lime for booze and food. A brief (hour) nap at Rachel's and I left to meet the CW guys to drive to SLC. We departed Denver at 3am, me in the road warrior, they in their vanna white. Around Rock Springs (nearly six hours in...) I just couldn't do it anymore and got some help with driving so I could nap (an hour).
Do not pass go, do not collect $200, we went to the pie straight away. Needed directions from Tony, which got us there in a timely manner. Mark, Robby, Zach and I attempted to eat the 23" cheese pizza. So much cheese. Basically all I digested all weekend was coffee and cheese. We didn't finish it. Sad. We waited around the university for Matt of Reviver, and in that time frame I got a new nickname, PJ which I won't get into here.
Hit up a few shopping spots. Gateway and stopped by their Urban. After that some of us ate at Vertical where we met Connor, his lady friend Linda, Sias, Mike (?) and Fernando. I ate a delicious vegan breakfast burrito. Zach, Robby and baby PR left for the show and I hung out at vertical a while longer before heading to taylorsville. House shows are super fun. Make Do and Mend is such a great band. Crooked Ways played a good set, though baby PR needs to learn 2017.
After the show, shot the shit with MD&M and then went with members of Reviver to a village inn so i could have a waffle. Thanks guyssss.
After THAT I fully intended to drive to Idaho Falls that night. At this point I'd been awake nearly 48 hours with 2 hour long cat naps. Before I left town though, I stopped by wherever C was in Sugarhouse to say bye, at which point I was told I was not driving anywhere, bc I hadn't slept and there were "deers" (say with a mexican accent). So instead I accompanied some new friends to a coffee shop and shot the shit for a little over an hour before going back to the house and GRACIOUSLY being given a place to sleep. Nicest dudes ever, seriously. I appreciate what they did for me so much.
Left at 8 after five hours of sleep to go to IF, hauled ass. Ate food. Took a nap. Saw my bestie best best. Met Eazy's child, Emily.
A full night of sleep and I left on Sunday after breakfast. Long drive. In Fort Collins, stopped to poop and ran into Andrea at Mugs. Best part, neither of us live in Fort Collins anymore!
I am glad to be home. I wish I were a dude so I could go on tour.
We drove through the night
and saw the sun come up behind us
a fast moving dream carried
by a slower machine
melodies punctuated by "what if's"
and petty, small, small regrets
we confessed smaller sins, left them
by the roadside
I thought we had more time...
Living and dying in Denver.
I've been contemplating since Sunday how to recap the last 80 or so hours in a way that would adequately explain how it felt and what it meant.
I woke up Thursday AM at 6 in order to be to work by 8. A full shift, til four, and immediately following I went home, showered and packed. Picked up Rachel and met Alexis at Lime for booze and food. A brief (hour) nap at Rachel's and I left to meet the CW guys to drive to SLC. We departed Denver at 3am, me in the road warrior, they in their vanna white. Around Rock Springs (nearly six hours in...) I just couldn't do it anymore and got some help with driving so I could nap (an hour).
Do not pass go, do not collect $200, we went to the pie straight away. Needed directions from Tony, which got us there in a timely manner. Mark, Robby, Zach and I attempted to eat the 23" cheese pizza. So much cheese. Basically all I digested all weekend was coffee and cheese. We didn't finish it. Sad. We waited around the university for Matt of Reviver, and in that time frame I got a new nickname, PJ which I won't get into here.
Hit up a few shopping spots. Gateway and stopped by their Urban. After that some of us ate at Vertical where we met Connor, his lady friend Linda, Sias, Mike (?) and Fernando. I ate a delicious vegan breakfast burrito. Zach, Robby and baby PR left for the show and I hung out at vertical a while longer before heading to taylorsville. House shows are super fun. Make Do and Mend is such a great band. Crooked Ways played a good set, though baby PR needs to learn 2017.
After the show, shot the shit with MD&M and then went with members of Reviver to a village inn so i could have a waffle. Thanks guyssss.
After THAT I fully intended to drive to Idaho Falls that night. At this point I'd been awake nearly 48 hours with 2 hour long cat naps. Before I left town though, I stopped by wherever C was in Sugarhouse to say bye, at which point I was told I was not driving anywhere, bc I hadn't slept and there were "deers" (say with a mexican accent). So instead I accompanied some new friends to a coffee shop and shot the shit for a little over an hour before going back to the house and GRACIOUSLY being given a place to sleep. Nicest dudes ever, seriously. I appreciate what they did for me so much.
Left at 8 after five hours of sleep to go to IF, hauled ass. Ate food. Took a nap. Saw my bestie best best. Met Eazy's child, Emily.
A full night of sleep and I left on Sunday after breakfast. Long drive. In Fort Collins, stopped to poop and ran into Andrea at Mugs. Best part, neither of us live in Fort Collins anymore!
I am glad to be home. I wish I were a dude so I could go on tour.
We drove through the night
and saw the sun come up behind us
a fast moving dream carried
by a slower machine
melodies punctuated by "what if's"
and petty, small, small regrets
we confessed smaller sins, left them
by the roadside
I thought we had more time...
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
call it a hunch
that i'm going to be bruised, sunburned, exhausted, and amped after this weekend.
no punching dumb girls though. just say no! a criminal record in another state is not on my list of things to do.
"fuuck, i hate him, throw a brick at him"
"Jordan, I'm not trying to add hate crime to my list of accomplishments..."
"we don't hate him because he's gay, or, 'scuse me, queer, we hate him because he sucks"
no punching dumb girls though. just say no! a criminal record in another state is not on my list of things to do.
"fuuck, i hate him, throw a brick at him"
"Jordan, I'm not trying to add hate crime to my list of accomplishments..."
"we don't hate him because he's gay, or, 'scuse me, queer, we hate him because he sucks"
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
stash
found this on a disk from last year. crime in stereo lyrics obv credited to crime in stereo.
Who exactly do you think you are? Seriously? Why do you think I'd keep you in that capacity at all? Do you feel entitled to it? Because that's the vibe I got from our conversation. You're not entitled to shit. You're barely entitled to me being civil and keeping the peace. Just thinking about it is absolutely infuriating. Of course I did. What else would I do? Throw myself a year long pity party? Live my life in little spaced breaths? Keep myself up at night? Beat myself up over things I didn't do? I am not broken. These people cannot.
these are the years that scatter the young into doctors and drunks.
And what is it that you chose? What is it that you have? A half a life of never making ends meet? A full life of never keeping a job? A day to day existence of justifying, not to me, but to yourself why you're better off?
Isn't that embarrassing? To have everyone know all the things you think, but not the courage to speak them.
Isn't it funny? I am smarter than you probably think I am. I know what those words meant. And that comment? I'm not some bitch to be kept tethered on a leash by your meaningless words.
Next time dig your own grave with the things that you say...
I threw myself down in one last attempt. What a fool I was. My dreams speak volumes, and I knew then, as I know now, what was to be, had to be, and is. There is no contempt. Only a little regret. But no regret for me, only regret for you. Oh, we're all just wasting our days and our time pretending like we knew what we were looking for all along. Even know, in the midst of it all, I am not certain. And maybe I never will be. Maybe Mother was right.
We won’t appreciate these days until they’re all gone. We never recognize what’s right.
Maybe Mother was right.
Heaven sent I crane my neck, to watch you desperately march down my chest, enjoying every step.
It's sweet. It's all I know.
...hide deceitfully inside my skin
I am restless. Those were my words.
...right to an unmarked grave...
At the end of the day, the beating of our hearts will sound like war.
"There is no fear in this heart."
Who exactly do you think you are? Seriously? Why do you think I'd keep you in that capacity at all? Do you feel entitled to it? Because that's the vibe I got from our conversation. You're not entitled to shit. You're barely entitled to me being civil and keeping the peace. Just thinking about it is absolutely infuriating. Of course I did. What else would I do? Throw myself a year long pity party? Live my life in little spaced breaths? Keep myself up at night? Beat myself up over things I didn't do? I am not broken. These people cannot.
these are the years that scatter the young into doctors and drunks.
And what is it that you chose? What is it that you have? A half a life of never making ends meet? A full life of never keeping a job? A day to day existence of justifying, not to me, but to yourself why you're better off?
Isn't that embarrassing? To have everyone know all the things you think, but not the courage to speak them.
Isn't it funny? I am smarter than you probably think I am. I know what those words meant. And that comment? I'm not some bitch to be kept tethered on a leash by your meaningless words.
Next time dig your own grave with the things that you say...
I threw myself down in one last attempt. What a fool I was. My dreams speak volumes, and I knew then, as I know now, what was to be, had to be, and is. There is no contempt. Only a little regret. But no regret for me, only regret for you. Oh, we're all just wasting our days and our time pretending like we knew what we were looking for all along. Even know, in the midst of it all, I am not certain. And maybe I never will be. Maybe Mother was right.
We won’t appreciate these days until they’re all gone. We never recognize what’s right.
Maybe Mother was right.
Heaven sent I crane my neck, to watch you desperately march down my chest, enjoying every step.
It's sweet. It's all I know.
...hide deceitfully inside my skin
I am restless. Those were my words.
...right to an unmarked grave...
At the end of the day, the beating of our hearts will sound like war.
"There is no fear in this heart."
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
fuck me
"don't go where i can't follow..."
i am falling back into old habits, and back into old arms. thats what happens when i'm broken beyond repair. yeah, emo. fuck off.
i am falling back into old habits, and back into old arms. thats what happens when i'm broken beyond repair. yeah, emo. fuck off.
the odds
"what are the odds?"
the odds are i hope you get aids you shit talking motherfucker.
cannot wait for next weekend.
hope to see several people.
looking forward to finally meeting peep (aka my adopted niece)
and really, really hoping that someone makes it around the joint.
the odds are i hope you get aids you shit talking motherfucker.
cannot wait for next weekend.
hope to see several people.
looking forward to finally meeting peep (aka my adopted niece)
and really, really hoping that someone makes it around the joint.
Friday, August 7, 2009
WHAT A SNATCH.
i am excited for next weekend. and the last weekend in august. and september. and october. and november.
some pretty epic mini-road trips, as well as awesome shows to look forward to. i feel like i'm coming back to life again. thinking about where i was last year and where i am now. at least i can thank _____ for some of that, though for little else as of late.
i woke up with an ulcer today which sucks. no booze or spicy food for me until it heals. already started medication for it. so glad my doctor just sent me home with a bunch of samples ages ago, haha).
also, like last year, i realized that deciding to wash my hands of a situation makes all the difference in the world. one step up.
i'm picking up a regular freelance position with an online news source. just need to situate the money.
this is a very all over the place post.
this summer feels like the best ones of years past.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
yup
dont talk to me til you've watched this video. ty, matt and josh are fantastic people and fantastic musicians. it blows my mind that they have this quality of video but they absolutely deserve it
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
no words
My keyboard is still sticking so I'm not going to type much about my weekend.
At my house: Tanner, Eddy, Connor, Fernando, Isaiah, Petey, Julian, Travis. Two from IF and area currently, the rest from SLC and area.
They tried to talk me into moving to Salt Lake. I will settle for a road trip next weekend for a show.
At my house: Tanner, Eddy, Connor, Fernando, Isaiah, Petey, Julian, Travis. Two from IF and area currently, the rest from SLC and area.
They tried to talk me into moving to Salt Lake. I will settle for a road trip next weekend for a show.
Monday, August 3, 2009
...
I just picked a huge scab.
I have a lot of things to say about the last 36 hours, but I'm going to hold onto them and try and figure out the most coherent and adult way to say it.
I have a lot of things to say about the last 36 hours, but I'm going to hold onto them and try and figure out the most coherent and adult way to say it.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
quailman
1. I feel like shit.
2. My hair is much shorter than anticipated
3. Tanner & Co are passed out all over my house.
4. May have four other people here by 10, also sleeping and eating my food.
5. Apparently Jewish goodbyes are very similar to hardcore goodbyes.
6. I need to go back to sleep for a minute. Too old to operate/party like this anymore.
2. My hair is much shorter than anticipated
3. Tanner & Co are passed out all over my house.
4. May have four other people here by 10, also sleeping and eating my food.
5. Apparently Jewish goodbyes are very similar to hardcore goodbyes.
6. I need to go back to sleep for a minute. Too old to operate/party like this anymore.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
