damn it

i need to get out and shoot some film.

Ugh.

Listening to songs I've never heard before, but I'm sure I know the lyrics. They're all stupid things I've said and felt in recent weeks.

God damn this indecision and tendency to over think.

Overreaction is all I'm good at anymore.

i just don't care anymore

I want to live by the water. I'd love to live somewhere that from a window of some cozy little bungalow I could see a lighthouse. I'd love to tuck my feet under a someone, or maybe I'd settle for a dog in order to read a book on a gray day. I'd love to press my face against cool glass and look out at the break and listen to sad music. I'd love to just go walk along the coastline as a means to talk to myself. My life is so full and lovely right now as it is, I can't imagine it being much better, but I know a few things would just push it over the edge.

I don't have the words to explain the connection I feel to places I've never been. The closest I can come is that I'm homesick for places I've never seen.

We're all just trying to make it, I guess.

i would have loved you forever

Oh my friend loneliness, where have you been?
You left to the lure of the lover who left me alone
But now you come crawling back, and I'll let you in
And we'll slip back into grooves that we cut in ourselves long ago

But there must be a better half, somewhere out there
She lives a better life, a life that shares
Shares with a better man
The man who is there when she calls in the night
Who says "Hey, it's alright"

And oh my dear distance, I've met you before
Longing for a lover who's lost on a far distant shore
And oh my imperfections, are all that remain
And the days when I'd love you and I'd leave you, and you'd wish that I would stay

There must be a better half, somewhere out there
She lives a better life, a life that shares
Shares with a better man
The man who is there when she calls in the night
Who says "Hey, it's alright"

I know what she looks like, her face and skin, her smell and the rest
I know the feel of her soul, but God help me I just cannot find her address
I've how I've tried but now all that's left
Is my old friend distance and sweet loneliness

There must be a better half, somewhere out there
She lives a better life, a life that shares
Shares with a better man
The man who is there when she calls in the night
Who says "Hey, it's alright"
"Hey, it's alright"
"Hey, it's alright"

This week

I am not cut out to be a model (haha, the fact that I'm 5'1" cue you to that?)
I am running myself ragged. The next few weeks I really need to focus on school and nothing but. I am behind in many classes. Damn it.
Frank Turner has some legit tunes. And he's rather attractive, haha.
I am going to a fashion show tonight, and hopefully I'll be the best dressed bitch there. Either going in a silk shift dress or in a skirt.

Anyway.

one two three four who's punk, what's the score?

you want to win me over? don't bother with flowers and chocolate. well, the chocolate is fine, but designer perfume and hand crafted, super soft leather handbags are really the way to my materialistic little heart.

but really, don't buy me flowers, buy me dior, jacobs or kors, please.

i should i should i should

i should care
i should be mad
i should be unforgiving
i should be a lot of things.




braver, quicker, smarter.

frank turner and chuck ragan on wednesday in a different area code.

moving on from past crimes and hoping i don't make the same mistake twice. or for the forth time.

ugh.

Yeah, princess, who wants to be who now?


I registered for classes today, I need to take care of some major bullshit though. I forgot when I applied for my minor to do my concentration at the same time so I have a hold on my foundations and philosophy of secondary education class.

Life and times

Don't tread on me.

The last week has been interesting. Snowed in and without human interaction for 48 hours made me a crazy person. I finally ventured out of the house to Leelas for beer (coffee for them), chess and conversation. Friday I worked, went on a date. Saturday I ran errands, ate lunch with Kyle, hunted for a man thong and failed and attended mattbush's halloween/housewarming party. After that we went to the blastomat for a cover band halloween. Black Flag sing-a-longs and Cro Mags covers. And I wore a romper and tights, Jay Z video girl status.

Afterwards Ashley, Rachel, R'sDF and I crashed a few parties in a hunt for the sociopath in order to make her night super awkward and difficult.