My first wife, B.

oil and water
but thicker than anything.

best and worst influence in the same breath.

The Nicest Thing

I wish it were easier to take pictures of people with my phone unnoticed. Sitting in North Classroom, I have seen the following:
Half shirt
Twilight Shirt
Uggs - leggings as pants - long t-shirt - north face fleece - super straight hair in a messy ponytail - tooooo much makeup
crocs
crocs
purple and white air force ones, different shade of purple polyester slacks, third shade of purple zip up hoodie.

I wish I was kidding. No I don't! I love people watching. Oh! There goes a hatchetman shirt.

Tonight I am taking DarylBobPryor to dinner as his birthday is on Wednesday, and he works eight days a week. We'll be going to the Irish Snug, which is a place everyone should eat if they get a chance.

Still need to take mattbush out for his birthday (mongolion bbq!) and Andrea turns 22 this weekend, but a drive to Fort Collins will have to wait a little bit until my money situation is more in order.

My photo final is shaping up nicely. I want a puppy. I wish I could find a new or second job. I am anxious for this weekend, I hope I'm a good hostess. The show/party on Saturday was mega fun. Why are dresses for petite girls so hard to find? What makes pretty girls think that PINK shit from VS is acceptable and fashionable? Someone please throw all white on white sneakers in an incinerator, especially KSwiss.



Truth Hurts.

where do we go from here?

My ego has been bruised
Haven't you heard the news?
Used my last excuse
Now I'm falling
Just can't see through my lies
See the ghost behind my eyes
Severed all my ties
Said my goodbyes
I faced an army of myself and I failed
My good intentions were last seen falling through the cracks
You're pointing out everything that I lack
All my misfortunes were last seen leaving your lips
Silence is golden, time for me to cash in
I'm taking the long way home from here
The long way home
I'm taking the wrong way home from here
The wrong way home


Sometimes you just have to walk away from the only place and the only person that feels like home as a means of self preservation.

Sometimes you have to convince yourself to let go of what your entire being tells you that you need in order to function on the most basic level from the day to day. Sometimes you need a distraction from everything else just to remember to breathe.

Yeah, the wrong way home.

LATELY

I have been taking a lot of photos. I am finally feeling creative again.

this one is film!

Feels good. I'll upload some scans of b/w prints i've done when life slows down a little.

wow

oh wow.

I'm going to really, actually blog at some point, I promise.

I just want to say my body is seriously HUMMING from how amped I am on how fun today was. Fun. At SCHOOL.

SIT COM

MY LIFE IS A MOTHER FUCKING SITCOM.

Or so says Kyle. And he's probably right. He's correct about many things.

ASPOUSAL FOR LIFE.

REGRETS AND ROMANCE

I hope it was all worth it.

That moment in August I knew everything had changed, and I would no longer be the same. I had no idea this would be the outcome or this regret would be so consuming.


In other news, it's supposed to be sunny and warm tomorrow. I am wearing a dress to school. Yes, a dress to school.

over my head

I may be in over my head.
We'll see in a month and a week.

good morning sunshine

I am currently sitting outside my archaeology class, waiting to get my test back. I know I didn't do that well on it, as one of the synthetic questions was really strangely worded and I didn't study that particular subject in as much detail as I probably should have.

My day has been ... I am not sure.
I'm lonely, I'm sick, I'm frustrated, I'm tired, I'm discouraged, and I'm still kind of in awe of how beautiful of a day it is. It's sunny, nary a cloud in the sky and crisp, with a bit of snow left on the ground.

I feel like I'm running in place these last few weeks. Where I was just a few months ago to where I am now seem like completely different places, and I'm not sure how I can get over this mental roadblock.

I need a drastic change of some kind. I've needed one since last summer, but I'm not sure what will do it. Moving? New job? (I'm trying, desperately). Transferring schools? Being out east? Being celibate? (lolz). Being actively single and not even going on dates? I don't know. I'm not sure. I am going to try and get lunch with Sheri. It's like seeing a counselor who basically pays you for treatment. And by pays, I mean buys me as much Cherry Cricket burger and beers as I want. Best youth pastor ever.

To Do by June
-pay off last bit of parking tickets (thx)
-get exhaust fixed
-tires aligned
(then, theoretically, the road warrior will be back to road warrior condition)
-get the hell outta dodge (at least two weeks)
-write and write and write and take photos, and write, and photos.
-SELF ACTUALIZE.

i think this is all realistic, as long as I am smart with my money in the upcoming weeks and if i can book some decent photo and housesitting jobs.

I'm just tired. Tired tired tired. And in a rut. And tired.

fuck it

Here's my tiny little manifesto for the rest of the year.

Let them fucking come and go.
It's time to play the game.