It hurts sometimes to think about how far away this is from what you'd hoped for. The way things were supposed to stay. And though you learned a lesson and you took it with grace, I wish I could stop the cold hand of reality from hitting you in the face. But there is no sparkling clean solution. And shit isn't just gonna get resolved in a half an hour, with special guest stars and pearls of wisdom. So let's not kid ourselves here. You and I were swindled by an image that was so tantalizing and real that I could almost taste it. But now the stench of failure is worse than anything. It permeates everything I do. And I'm starting to realize that I'd rather have nothing than have a lie, and sitting waiting for a life that's already passed me by.

I just got home from Paris (on the Platte). From "doing homework" with Kyle, and by doing homework, of course I mean gossiping like the girl I am, and the girl he wishes he were. (Jokes, jokes). He's wonderful to spend an evening with because he does have real insight into why people do what they do.

The general consensus is that "it's not allowed..." and now it's a matter of taking it into my own hands and putting my foot down. It's happened before, and it will happen again.

Last chances have come and gone.